Porn and its impact on men.
Impact
Everything we do consistently impacts us in conscious or subconscious ways. Pornography is a multibillion-dollar industry, widely consumed yet often stigmatized—especially in societies like the United States. While sexuality is a natural part of human life, societal norms often impose rigid rules and judgments on the consumption of adult content. This raises an important question: How does porn impact men?
Unhealthy Relationship Expectations
I have seen an interesting shift in relationships in our society of late. It seems that traditional roles are being widely embraced by men, especially hyper-masculine men, i.e., Andrew Tate and the like. My hunch is this is true due to men feeling powerless in society, relationships, and frankly in our lives more and more. Pornography generally reinforces the hyper-masculine role and highly submissive female role. This can cause relational challenges by subconsciously persuading men to believe power dynamics should sway heavily in their favor, and when they don’t, dissatisfaction with those dynamics arises. Real-life relationships are much more nuanced, leading to dysfunction and conflict.
Unhealthy Expectations of Sex
Many people talk about how unrealistic pornography is, which is true, it’s made to be stimulating and captivating. What we often don’t think about is the subconscious impact. Porn typically won’t one day make you “realize” how less effective you are in the bedroom. But over time, it will degrade sexual self-esteem and may start to reduce sexual satisfaction due to focusing on less fulfilling aspects of intimacy, i.e. the finish, being in control, living out personally incongruent sexual fantasies. Imagine your intimate life but begin to reduce satisfaction 1% at a time. Initially, it will be hard to notice but give it time and the notice will be palpable.
Hijacking the Male Mind
Modern pornography exploits primal desires with exaggerated features and hypersexualized bodies designed to perfectly capture the male psyche. This has been perfected over time with millions upon millions of hours of content and incredible sums of money. This is not a fair fight for a single man to overcome. Give yourself some grace if you’re struggling with pornography and realize all of the factors that lead to overconsumption of adult content.
Eroding Motivation and Drive
Pornography can also diminish motivation and drive. By bypassing the emotional challenges and journey of a relationship, it’s a “cheat code” to sexual satisfaction. Have you ever played a game with a cheat code? Then gone back to normal play and it feels empty? Yes, just like that. This undermines the fulfillment that comes from building trust and connection with a partner.
If You Want to Consume Less
Recognizing the effects of pornography is the first step toward addressing its impact. Therapy can help men explore these issues in a supportive environment, promoting healthier habits and more meaningful connections. If you’re struggling with adult content, you are most certainly not alone. I personally have been on this journey and was able to combat it through therapy.
-Brenton Love, AMFT
(657) 201-9916
Therapy for Men, brentonlovetherapy.com