The Impossibility of New Fatherhood

Being a new father feels impossible, no person can juggle all the new responsibilities while keeping somewhat sane. Not only is your world flipped completely upside down, but deep-rooted fears and worries seem to appear out of nowhere. People assume fatherhood is full of joy and sunshine, and it often is, but it’s just as often filled with overwhelm, stress, negative self-talk, and relationship struggles.

Let’s start at the very beginning: sleep. Sleep is a necessity that becomes your most scarce resource when people become new parents. Lack of sleep leads to frustration, overwhelm, stress, and honestly, it just makes everything harder.

New fathers experience a wide range of emotions while feelings of inadequacy, anxiety, and anger arise. These feelings often stem from the immense weight of new responsibilities and the challenge of juggling life while teaching a new life how to survive. As men, we have a primal drive to conquer and achieve our goals. Parenting, however, presents a much more ambiguous goal. What does good parenting look like? It’s not outlined and it’s not black and white; it’s a moving target, and that can be difficult to manage.  

Loneliness, while seemingly counterintuitive, is another common experience for new fathers. It’s often associated with two things. First, the belief that “no one knows what I’m going through” which is emotionally isolating. Second, being so focused on the day-to-day tasks that you forget and often don’t have time to remember to connect with others.

The challenge of fatherhood lies in balancing the positive and negative feelings. The positives: happiness, fulfillment, and purpose. The negatives: loneliness, self-esteem, anger, and resentment. Two things can be true at once, and it’s important to not blame yourself for the things you’re still learning or may not have mastered yet.

-Brenton Love, AMFT

(657) 201-9916

Therapy for Men, brentonlovetherapy.com