Why the Strongest Couples Go to Therapy
1. Fixing Communication — The #1 Reason Couples Come to Therapy
The most common reason couples start therapy is to improve communication.
What I’ve seen in my work is that we often carry trauma and fear from childhood into our adult relationships. These old wounds can poison our communication with our partners, driven by a deep desire to avoid feeling the pain we once felt.
When this happens, we unconsciously measure our partner and relationship against an invisible standard that can never truly be met. This sets the relationship up for frustration and disconnection.
In therapy, we bring these patterns to the surface so both partners can:
Understand what’s really driving certain reactions.
Learn to communicate without taking things personally.
Break long-standing cycles of misunderstanding.
2. How to Use “I Feel” Statements the Right Way
Most of us were never taught how to express emotions in a way that invites understanding rather than defensiveness. Here’s the correct structure for an “I feel” statement:
I feel (emotion) when (partner’s name) does (specific behavior) because (reason). I would like (solution or request).
Examples:
"I feel unimportant when you’re on your phone at dinner because I value our connection. I’d like that time to be just for us."
"I feel frustrated when house chores pile up because it makes the house feel chaotic. I’d like us to share them more evenly."
"I feel anxious when our finances are unstable because I need stability. I’d like us to review our budget together monthly."
3. Important Guidelines for Healthy Communication
Avoid blame
Don’t say: "You’re impossible to talk to," or "You never appreciate anything I do."
Be specific with emotions
Use words like frustrated, anxious, scared, sad, happy, safe — not vague labels like “bad” or “mad.”
Offer a shared solution
"I’d like us to figure out a way to help this."
"I’d like to make Wednesday nights our time for connection."
4. Therapy Shows You Where to Grow
In isolation, we can hide from our flaws and avoid confronting the harder parts of ourselves.
In a relationship, these patterns surface quickly — and therapy provides a safe space to examine them. This is a powerful opportunity to:
See where we need personal growth.
Develop better emotional awareness.
Build skills that benefit both partners.
5. Consistency is Everything
Setting aside a regular time — whether weekly or biweekly — to work on your relationship shows:
Effort
Priority
Commitment to growth
Even this consistent act alone strengthens a relationship, creating a sense of teamwork and shared vision for the future.
Brenton Love AMFT - (657) 201-9916
Couples and Individual Therapy