How choosing a “good” therapist is stopping you from doing therapy entirely.

One of the most challenging parts of therapy, just like the gym, is actually starting. Take your local gym—there are 100s of options in equipment, just like there are 100s of different therapists you can connect with. To those who are new to therapy, this is extremely overwhelming. There are so many different styles or models of therapy—what’s the right choice? One of the things I hear most often from friends, clients, and even other therapists is the challenge of finding a “good” therapist, and this is a barrier that stops many from even doing therapy.

First of all, what is a “good” therapist? Simply put, I would define this as a human you are able to connect and relate with. Therapy is a hard thing to quantify, but one part that is consistently true is the therapeutic relationship is the number one factor in a successful therapy experience. So when you are looking for a therapist, find someone who you could imagine as either a mentor or even a friend. The therapist themselves are trained in boundaries and are able to balance friendliness while keeping the relationship professional, so don’t worry about that initially.

Now, how do you know if it feels right in therapy? I would just follow your gut. If the conversation seems comfortable, albeit a bit new with some growing pains, that’s a great place to start. As you develop your relationship with your new therapist, you’ll start to understand what you like and don’t like in therapy. Just like at the gym, as you become more “advanced”—if that’s even a thing in therapy—you’ll be able to identify what you need to get the most out of your therapy experience.

While in the past therapists often filled educational or teaching roles in therapy—for example, “do this and it will make your relationship better”—I believe present-day therapists are striving to come alongside our clients in a more supportive and curious way. This fulfills, yes, the historic role, but also what I believe is a newer role of sharing and exploring experiences alongside one another. This is a growing need in our society as we seem to get lonelier and more disconnected from other humans.

I can only speak personally, but just starting my own therapeutic journey, I began to see so many benefits that I didn’t even know existed. I hope you can experience the same. Don’t let the fear of finding the “right” person stop you from the journey altogether.

Brenton Love, LMFT 159509

Therapy for Men (657) 201-9916