The Rational and the Emotional
Why is it we are so much better helping our friends rather than ourselves? It’s due to the difference between our rational and our emotional minds. Both are needed, but the issue is many of us have not learned the emotional intelligence to properly manage both.
Our rational mind is the mind that logically solves problems and comes up with solutions, that on paper, should work. As men this is the mind we typically rely on. How many of you are “fixers?” I know I am. The problem is for some reason we can’t implement these fixes when our emotional mind says otherwise. This begs the question which mind is really in control and how can we begin to better control ourselves?
In my experience the emotional mind comes from a combination of childhood, beliefs, values, and culture. These are some of the most deep-set beliefs we have and the ones that drive, often out of our conscious mind. This mind is typically more complex and a combination of emotional experiences and our primal need to protect ourselves. When negative emotions are felt our protective system filters what this threat is, hoping to stop it in the future. In theory, fantastic, but when men have gone through trauma or are struggling with depression or anxiety, this protective system tends to be overactive and targets non-threatening situations and emotions.
Looking at life can you observe the times your emotional experience did not match the situation at hand, an argument, something at work? It tends to be in places that touch us at our core. One way to work through these challenges and start managing your emotions is through therapy. As we observe what emotions come up during an argument, we can pinpoint the inconsistencies. That shows us what the emotional mind is hearing while the logical mind may be hearing something completely different. This allows us to begin to consciously react to situations as opposed to lashing out purely from emotions.
-Brenton Love, AMFT
(657) 201-9916
Therapy for Men at brentonlovetherapy.com