Toxic Masculinity.
Toxic masculinity is a rigid and harmful belief system rooted in outdated gender norms. It pushes the idea that “real men” don’t cry, avoid anything feminine, reject homosexuality, value dominance over connection, and never ask for help. These beliefs limit emotional growth, increase isolation, and damage both personal and romantic relationships. In today’s world, this outdated mindset is no longer effective, even though it is highly praised in male dominated circles.
Why Toxic Masculinity Is a Mental Health Problem
Toxic masculinity often masks itself with positive traits like hard work, leadership, and being a provider. These are great values, but when these values are distorted, they become controlling, emotionally avoidant, and aggressive. This mindset negatively impacts men’s relationships, self-esteem, and contributes to unhealpful societal expectations.
With rising divorce rates, addiction, suicide, male loneliness, and a growing divide in online discourse between men and women, the results are clear: this model of masculinity isn't working. We function best—not in competition—but in collaboration, where emotional vulnerability and mutual respect are strengths, not weaknesses.
The Root Causes of Toxic Masculinity in Men
Toxic masculinity often stems from a combination of insecurity, emotional trauma, and fear:
Insecurity leads men to attack others or externalize blame instead of looking inward. It’s easier to criticize than confront uncomfortable truths.
Unresolved childhood trauma teaches boys that vulnerability is unsafe. If they were punished, ignored, mocked, or bullied for expressing emotions, they often grow into men who fear intimacy and deflect emotional responsibility.
Fear of rejection or failure causes emotional shutdown. Instead of taking relational risks, men may blame partners or avoid connection altogether—believing masculinity must be emotionless to be strong.
Unfortunately, these patterns create barriers to intimacy and fulfillment, leaving men feeling alone, angry, and misunderstood.
The Role of Social Media in Reinforcing Toxic Masculinity
Social media influencers often capitalize on toxic masculinity for fame and profit. Figures like The Liver King portray extreme versions of masculinity rooted in physical dominance and “ancestral living,” attracting men who feel lost or insecure. These personas promise secret solutions to success and confidence, but they sell exaggerated, unrealistic ideals.
We need to recognize that these influencers are brands, not role models. Their messages are crafted to make money, not to support your mental health or help you grow.
How You can Begin being less Toxically Masculine.
Here are three key areas to begin addressing toxic masculinity and build healthy masculinity:
1. Heal Insecurity
Work through the the beliefs that make you feel "less than," starting with being honest with yourself. Self-worth doesn't come from external dominance—it comes from internal clarity and self-compassion.
2. Address Anger Toward Women
Many men carry unprocessed wounds from childhood, especially from strained relationships with parents. Sometimes, unresolved fear or resentment toward a father or mother figure are projected onto romantic partners. Healing these patterns leads to healthier relationships and more balanced masculinity.
3. Confront Fear of Vulnerability
Use exposure-based techniques. Start by opening up to a close friend. Then practice in low-stakes situations before progressing to deeper connections. The more you practice; the less power fear will have over you.
Final Thoughts: Therapy for Men and Emotional Growth
Much of today’s masculine behavior is an unconscious attempt to rewrite the past. By working through this either personally or with a therapist, men can begin to untangle that narrative and build something healthier. Emotional vulnerability isn’t weakness—it’s the foundation of real connection, confidence, and purpose. Which counterintuitively is the most masculine thing you can do.
If you’re struggling with toxic masculinity, therapy can be the first step toward healing. You deserve more than survival—you deserve connection, clarity, and growth.
-Brenton Love, AMFT
(657) 201-9916
Therapy for Men, brentonlovetherapy.com