“Mommy Issues” in Men.
Simply put, "mommy issues" are relational wounds caused by an unstable, unresolved, or complex relationship with one’s mother. When a boy grows up without safety or emotional stability from his mother, it can shape the way he sees himself, relationships, and women—often in subtle but harmful ways.
A man’s relationship with his mother is one of the most impactful in his life. From birth onward, this bond influences emotional development, identity, and connection. When that relationship is marked by mental illness, substance abuse, emotional neglect, physical or sexual abuse (either experienced or witnessed), it leaves deep scars. But even less extreme dynamics—like an overbearing mother, an emotionally absent mom, or putting mom on a pedestal ("she's a superhero who can do no wrong")—can also leave lasting marks.
How Mommy Issues Show Up in Adult Men
Childhood relationships stick with us. And often, the wounds we didn’t realize we had start to show up in adulthood—especially in romantic relationships. Here are a few ways "mommy issues" tend to surface:
1. Self-worth tied to romantic partners
Many men with unresolved maternal wounds struggle to feel whole without a relationship. Their self-worth becomes tied to being wanted, needed, or validated by their partner.
2. Dissociation during intimacy
Does your mind check out during sex or emotional closeness? That might be your brain's way of protecting itself—especially if intimacy once felt unsafe or untrustworthy growing up.
3. Unstable romantic relationships
Swinging between avoidant and clingy behaviors is common. Avoidance protects you from the pain of loss. Clinginess tries to control others, so they won’t leave. Both are defense mechanisms rooted in fear of pain, not connection.
4. Seeking mother figures in partners
If you felt abandoned or emotionally neglected, you may unconsciously look for partners to "mother" you—hoping to heal the past by replaying it in the present.
5. Boundary issues with your actual mom
Too close or too distant—both are red flags. Maybe your mom has too much influence over your relationships. Or maybe you’ve cut her off entirely and carry deep resentment. Either extreme signals unresolved dynamics.
6. Emotional immaturity within the family
Do you act or are treated more like a child than an adult around family? This could be a sign of arrested emotional development and an unspoken resistance to growing up.
7. Hostility toward women
You may notice yourself objectifying women ("she's for the streets," "they're all the same") or expressing generalized anger toward them. This can be a projection of internal pain that hasn’t been addressed.
Healing Mommy Issues
Therapy gives you the space to rewrite the script. Together, we explore how early wounds shaped your identity, and how they may still be running the show today. Here's what that process might involve:
Inner child work: Reconnecting with the younger version of you who didn’t get what he needed. Learning how to give him that now.
Understanding family dynamics: Unpacking generational patterns, unhealthy behaviors, and how they shaped you.
Developing emotion regulation and boundaries: Creating healthier, more fulfilling relationships in the present.
This isn’t about judging your mom. It’s about understanding how your story began—and giving yourself the tools to write a different future.